Learning about narcissism and its effects is the first step in understanding the disorder and the harm that comes with a narcissistic partner. Studies show that around 1% of the population is officially diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). However, there are far more people who go undiagnosed, with research suggesting there is a 1 in 2 chance of one of those individuals in every household.
Although everyone has a small amount of narcissistic behavior in their personality, the issues lie in when an individual exhibits these behaviors to an extreme. These personality traits are often self centered and at the expense of others. Entitlement, a superiority complex, arrogance, haughtiness and a lack of empathy are the most common ways in which these traits manifest themselves.
Narcissism is part of a grouping of disorders and behaviors called the dark tetrad. Machiavellianism, sadism, and psychopathy join narcissism in this grouping, describing common personality disorders that often have negative consequences. There are several different types of narcissists as well, from grandiose narcissists to vulnerable narcissists to dark empaths. In fact, research shows that as many as 1 in 5 people may be a dark empath, people who hide their narcissism better due to above-average emotional intelligence. While only 1% of people are ever diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, experts believe that 15-20% of the population may have NPD and will never be diagnosed.
Within a family dynamic, narcissists have the power to destroy a family from the inside out. Narcissistic family structures exhibit many of the same traits, often built upon poor communication, no clear boundaries, control issues, unhealthy competition, and secret-keeping. These types of environments can have detrimental long-term effects on children, spouses, and other members of the household. These effects include but are not limited to distrust, self-loathing, low self-esteem, guilt surrounding caring for personal needs, food or substance addiction, and a higher risk for developing NPD later on in life.
There are many common warning signs that people should be aware of when identifying an NPD partner. Gaslighting, blame-shifting, and triangulation are very common, along with playing the victim, exaggerating achievements, and taking credit for others’ accomplishments or successes. Other signs include using charm to manipulate, love-bombing, or using the silent treatment to punish or control others.
Although these warning signs can be scary, expert Dr. Ramani Suryakantham Durvasula believes that “people can take themselves back from a narcissistic relationship” and that with education, people may return to their “authentic self” in the wake of trauma.
Once one realizes that their spouse or a loved one checks the boxes of narcissistic personality disorder, the time has come to make an escape plan. The first step to escape a narcissist in a relationship is to start planning. This includes making arrangements for safety, such as getting money, financial documents and important contact information in order. It may also be beneficial to seek professional support from a family lawyer. This connection will help victims to prepare for a life after separation.
The next step is to go slowly and make sure that no stone is left unturned. This may mean moving belongings slowly to a safe place, keeping a diary of any incidents and gathering other evidence. In extreme cases, taking these actions can aid in restraining orders or divorce cases later on. It is also important to continue life as normal during this time as to not alert the narcissist of any changes or plans.
Finally, it is time to take action to make the separation final. It is at this time that it is important to alert family and loved ones of the separation date. If it is unsafe to remain in the home, the proper authorities can help to keep victims safe during this period.
Although narcissism is not a curable disorder, healing is possible. With the proper actions, life after a narcissistic relationship is a possibility for so many who are still suffering from the effects of an NPD partner.
