It is officially December, and that means millions across the globe are ready and excited for the happiest time of the year. The atmosphere feels peaceful, warm, and bright, and the idea of getting to pause all priorities fills everyone’s cup.
During this time, society also tells us everything is better. The concept of getting to be with loved ones supposedly heals all, where togetherness magically solves what the rest of the year could not. At the minimum, that is what lies at first.
Yet, underneath the surface, that perception of healing and union never actually arrives. In fact, the moment it hits the holidays, emotional and mental strain accelerates at record speed. While everyone says this time is supposed to be mentally great, what it really brings is long-avoided tensions right to the forefront.
As a Leadership Resilience Strategist and Mental Wellness Specialist, Prudence Hatchett puts it like this: “Every year we tell people to ‘be joyful’ during the holidays, but the truth is that this season exposes emotional wounds that families spend the rest of the year avoiding. The pressure to pretend everything is fine is what makes the holidays hard, not the holidays themselves.”
Hatchett’s perspective signals an important question: What is it about the holidays that trigger pressure during a time when it is supposed to feel the complete opposite?
To put it simply, this season is particularly hefty because family dynamics play a major role in how individuals behave. With everyone having to come together, it is hard to bring up the problems that surface in the background all year, while differing familial beliefs only intensify the stress levels more.
There is also a widening gap between how families feel versus how they think they are supposed to perform. Family reunions often reveal unresolved conflicts, strained relationships, and traumatic memories, but yet there is an expectation to put on a happy face. More than not, what first feels like holiday cheer becomes an act that everyone follows.
But despite this challenge, that doesn’t mean families have to feel hopeless nor let the emotions simmer. If families want to navigate the holidays in the best way, the most meaningful action one can take is to pivot the burdens altogether.
Hatchett adds, “Instead of forcing togetherness, families need to practice honest expectations. That may mean shorter visits, smaller gatherings, or conversations that stay within emotional limits. When people stop performing and start choosing what actually supports their well-being, the holidays become calmer and more meaningful. Giving yourself permission to honor your emotional capacity is the most powerful gift you can bring into the season.”
In addition to Hatchett’s guidance, there are also practical steps anyone can take to regulate the negative emotions amid the chaos. This includes:
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- Leaning on support – Sometimes talking the problems out with a family member you trust works wonders. Whether it is a partner, a sibling, or a parent, find someone who understands the family in the same way so that you have someone you can relate to and debrief with.
- Prioritizing self-care – In the heart of it all, do not be afraid to step away from gatherings to take time for yourself. Individual rest is essential to restoring your mind and gathering your thoughts so that you can show up with more clarity and composure.
- Redirecting conversations – Many people dread the painful conversations that arise each year, but make it a priority to redirect topics if needed. It may be helpful to plan some responses to avoid having to partake in the sensitive discussions.
- Focusing on gratitude – Even when times are hard, it is always worthwhile to note the little moments of gratitude. During your gatherings, acknowledge the things you do appreciate about the family in hopes it can eliminate some of the issues.
When families begin integrating these practices, the holiday season begins to shift. While they may not resolve everything, they are at least the start of some harmony and resilience so that you can approach the season in a much healthier way.
While everyone approaches their loved ones here soon, make it known to rewrite the narrative. It is okay to set limits, act differently, or walk away in the face of adversity. When you can honor your mental health, you may find the holiday spirit once and for all.
