5 First-Time Anal Sex Tips for Couples

Anal sex can be an intensely pleasurable for both parties involved, but if you’ve never engaged in it before, it can feel a bit daunting. If you’re ready to spice up your sex life a bit and want to try anal play, it helps to dive in with the best tips to make the experience enjoyable. From using a sex toy such as a prostate massager to maintaining open communication with your partner, read on for the tips you need before engaging in anal sex for the first time.

1. Lubricant is a Must-Have

When engaging in anal play, lubrication is a necessity. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not produce enough natural lubrication for comfortable penetration. Without lube, anal penetration and sex will feel uncomfortable and painful. Water-based lubricants work best for anal sex, especially when using a condom, as oil-based lubes can damage latex condoms. 


Using lube allows the penis to penetrate the anus more comfortably, making the experience more enjoyable. Apply the lubricant depending on your preference. The lube can be applied to the penis, inserted into the anus, or both. 

2. Practice, Practice, Practice

It is usually not best practice to dive right into anal sex before engaging in any anal penetration beforehand. It’s a good idea to get comfortable with how it feels and practicing is an excellent way to do that. You can choose to practice right before doing anal sex or practice a few times leading up to the actual act. Choose whichever works best for you. 


There are two popular ways to engage in anal play: digitally or with a sex toy. Using a finger (and some lube) is a good way to start and gives you an idea of how penetration will feel for the giver as well as the receiver. A sex toy such as a prostate massager is an excellent anal device that is comfortable and safe. It can be useful in practicing the feeling of anal sex and preparing you and your partner.

3. Ease Your Way Into the Act

When you are ready to engage in anal penetration, you want to loosen up the body and the area first. The anal play feels much better when your body is relaxed, as relaxation helps loosens up the muscles. When muscles are tight in the rectum, anal penetration can feel painful.


Start by giving your partner a massage and create a calming atmosphere. Consider lighting candles or playing soothing music. Before penetration, apply the lube and use fingers or a toy to loosen up the area. Move in and out slowly after penetration before fully engaging in the act.

4. Engage in Open Communication

Open communication between you and your partner when engaging in any sexual act – but especially a new one – is incredibly important. You want the experience to be enjoyable for each of you so feeling comfortable talking about what is happening helps. Before you begin, set up some ground rules such as what type of lube you’ll be using or which positions you want to try.

Throughout the act, you want to check in with each other about how each person is feeling. Communicate any pleasurable and discomforting pain so your partner knows how to continue engaging with you in a way that pleases you. You should feel entirely comfortable speaking about anything, so if you have a partner you don’t have that level of sexual communication with, engaging in anal sex with them may not be the best choice for you. 

5. Stop if There is Any Discomfort

The most important thing to know during anal sex is that if there is any level of discomfort, stop. You don’t want to put yourself or your partner in any pain, so communicate about what doesn’t feel right. Make adjustments as needed such as adding more lubricant or changing positions. The discomfort may be coming from a lack of relaxation, so take a break and find calm again before going back into it. Be open to switching things up because, with any new experience, there can be a learning curve.


Anal sex is a fun way to enliven your sex life and, as with any new sexual act, you likely won’t perfect it the first time around. Don’t rule it out if you struggle at first and instead keep going until you find a groove that works best for both of you.