What’s the difference between good sex and mediocre sex? If you don’t know and your partner hasn’t got a clue either then it’s time to step away from the missionary position, put down the Viagra and Cialis for one second and take a moment to revisit your sex life.
There’s so much you can do to improve your performance in the bedroom, from learning new techniques for more powerful orgasms, to simply spending more quality time together. From buying a few sex toys to trying out one of the many supplements on offer. The point is this – doing nothing will mean nothing changes, if you want better sex you need to make a few tweaks. Bring on the tips for having great sex – we can’t wait!
1 Take Your Time
This might sound obvious but sex is not a race. See it as time together to explore one another’s bodies. Lie your partner down and focus on every area except for his or her sexual organs. Caress, stroke and run your nails along their skin, a little nibble and lick here and there will add interest to the game too! This is all about building pleasure through sensation, you can add props too if you like, think soft silk brushing the skin, a feather gently tickling and the sensation of a cold ice cube being drawn along warm skin. Go slow, it will be worth the wait!
2 Give the Gift of a Massage
A no strings massage? Yes please. Hopefully your partner will love the idea of being stroked and massaged all over by the man they love (providing you get your technique right)! Do not apply too much pressure – this is about relaxing your other half, not kneading them so they are ready to bake in the oven. Start by massaging the legs, from the ankles up to the thighs and back again, do the same with the arms, starting at the wrists and moving up to the shoulders and back down. A neck and back massage can be heavenly if you get it right, if you are worried about being too heavy-handed, let your partner guide you (listen out for their oohs and ahhs)!
If you think your other half will appreciate it you can always add a foot rub after for good measure – however, this is not for everyone, and prepare to be kicked in the head if your better half is ticklish!
3 Try New Things
It’s easy to fall into a sexual rut, when you’ve had a long day you probably just fancy a cup of cocoa and a few pages of your latest blockbuster. But there are so many more interesting things you can be doing! Usually have sex on a Saturday night? Shake things up by waking up your partner with a lingering kiss one morning. Always end up in the bedroom? Start in the bedroom and then head for another room for a change of scenery! It’s not all about trying every single position in the Kama Sutra but more about making small changes that can add something new to the same-old, same-old routine.
4 Vary Your Sexual Moves
Decided to head to the bedroom, that’s great, we don’t want you to over-analyse sex with your partner but think about the things you do together. When you are making love do you move around and try out different positions? Even penetration can be varied – there are deep thrusts and shallow thrusts, and there’s slow and steady and fast and furious! Once you are inside your partner you can move in different ways too (up and down or side to side), just to provide variation in the way you stimulate your other half.
5 Discover Fantasies
Is there something you have always wanted to try but are a little scared to bring up? Chances are your partner uses their imagination too and has been creating sexual stories in their own head. You could play a little game and write five fantasies each down on pieces of paper, then fold them up and place in a bag for a later date. When you are feeling adventurous pluck a fantasy from the bag and either have a chat about it – e.g. would you both consider doing it, or is its something that one of you would rather run away from than give a go? If it’s something you have both agreed on perhaps you could make fantasy a reality? Role play can really add zing to your relationship.
6 Go on A Date
It’s not all about what goes on in the bedroom, what you do in your free time together can also play a part in how well your sex life plays out. If you feel you would both benefit from spending some quality time together then you need to plan a date.
We’re not talking a bag of fish and chips and a hastily grabbed bottle of Pinot from the local offy. We are talking about (in the words of Mr Flanagan himself) going “out.” Chuck your slippers in the cupboard – this is a time for looking dapper and showing your partner a good time. If you’re not loaded don’t fret, romantic doesn’t have to mean expensive, just looking good to impress your partner will show them you still care (plus looking good will boost your own confidence). Do you remember your first date? Reminisce over the good times and laugh about the things you have done together over the years.
Sex sometimes falls by the wayside because you’ve forgotten what you actually love about your partner, you’re too busy with other “stuff” to focus on them. If you think about it that’s quite sad, once upon a time you went all out to hook your partner and make them yours. Rediscover the reasons why and reignite your passion at the same time.
7 Learn to Give and Receive Complements
When was the last time you told your partner how good they looked? Do you notice new clothes, or when they have had their hair done? Do you congratulate them on a project well done at work or simply make them a cup of tea because you care? Do you ever surprise them? This can be a little treat such as a bunch of flowers or making dinner, or it could be a grand gesture (if your budget stretches). Why not go all out and plan a romantic night away?
How about your partner? Do they still flatter you from time to time? Do they buy you little gifts or do silly things such as leave a post note stuck to your lunch box saying how much they love you? The art of frivolity sadly seems to be on the decline. We are all so serious and busy that any sort of foolishness is greeted with a stuffy retort.
What a shame, as there’s so much fun to be had and sometimes adulthood robs us of that.
Next time you see your partner walk up to them, kiss them, and tell them how much you still love them. You don’t need a reason – do it because you want to.
8 Be A Friend
Ok number eight might sound a bit soppy, but if you can’t be good friends with your partner how can you good together in the sack? We aren’t talking platonic friends, think friends with benefits who happen to be living together or married! Life doesn’t have to be boring, chores do need to be done, but be a rebel occasionally – leave the dishes and go and sit on the patio with a glass of vino. Offer to drive your other half to visit a place they have always wanted to go to (even if it’s not your cup of tea). Random acts of kindness can really lift your spirits (and the person you are doing them for). Just being a good friend can really help you to re-connect with your lover. You still need to spend time apart, it’s important to have your own hobbies and make sure you have nights out with friends and colleagues that don’t revolve around one another too. It’s good to keep things fresh and being in each other’s pockets will just make you feel exceptionally dull.
It’s time to remember why you got together – be happy and enjoy the rest of your lives together.