Not that into you…stay single until it’s real!

We all want to find our king or queen. Who can relate to the following? Meeting someone new, thinking its going great, finding yourself swirling around in the land of love, thinking of your new date, missing everything about him/her: voice, touch and kisses, but not so long down the line you find yourself finding excuses on why you date hasn’t texted, and your minds go into over drive! You find yourself thinking: “Maybe his/her phone REALLY did run out of charge”. “He/she is REALLY busy at work”. REALLY? We have all been here and I know many of you still are. Now I’m not saying your new date doesn’t like you, he/she just doesn’t like you enough.

Any literature about dating will tell you the ‘red flags’. Let’s list and explore further.

  • Frequent chats about the ex 

Now many of us have some baggage but when starting something new we want a clean slate, its an opportunity to close the past. If there is still a lot of hurt, anger, pain you will be the one that receives the outbursts, the backlash of the past pain. On the other extreme, if they are still ‘friends’, one has to question whether there is some unfinished business…

  • “I’m looking for fun” 

Listen to his words: anything that suggests that your date is not relationship material such as ‘lets just go with the flow’, ‘not looking for a relationship’, ‘friends with benefits’ should be a red flag. If you hear these words, smile, take your coat and walk away. Save your energy, your time and your disappointment. Find a person who values relationships as you do.

  • “It’s ok if you date other people”

Hello?!?! If that’s what your new date is saying, it’s clear that he/she is sleeping with other people too. If a potential partner you are serious about wants to remain on dating sites and has many opposite-sex friends in minimal clothing or naked torso all over his/her social sites, move on quickly. Not only will you get emotionally hurt but your health is at a risk too. A person who is into you will want you exclusively and would be incredibly uncomfortable at the thought of you making romantic plans with someone else.

  • You haven’t been asked out yet

Social media has a lot to answer for: many people are now happy with social flirting, even a virtual relationship. Don’t let weeks/months go by, you know that you want to feel valued, and you shouldn’t have to ask to be taken out.

  • Plans are not made in advance

Someone who is into you, will be keen to spend time getting to know one another, but if he/she is hesitant to agree to dinner next weekend or to a friend’s wedding next month, your date is not investing in the relationship.

  • You havent’ been introduced to friends or family

If a new date cancels on your family, avoids or postpones meeting your family and friends, chances are that he/she is probably not into you — especially if you’ve been dating for a while. Now, you don’t need to be making wedding plans after date two, but when you sense an avoidance strategy, it’s likely that your date has one foot out the door. Someone who is really is into you will want his/her family and best friends to know how great you are, too.

  • Available…only at midnight!

This ties in with the one above. You are yet to go out together, have had little contact and then close to midnight you get a text along the lines of “I’m free, missing you!” Now if you are happy to have casual encounters fine but if you want a relationship, playing around will prevent you from finding your dream partner.

  • Your partner’s phone is under lockdown

We have all dated someone who had their phone under lockdown. This in itself might make you feel insecure and leave you wondering whether he/she is hiding something from you. Someone who cares about you will do his/her utmost to reassure you and make you feel confident. If there is no trust, no real relationship can follow. Need I say anymore?

  • Calls are not returned within 24 hours

First, if you’re the only person calling and texting, evaluate your date’s interest in the relationship. Secondly ask yourself do you think he/she is juggling multiple options? Thirdly, if your texts are consistently not getting responses within 24 hours, then your date is not into you. When you’re crazy about someone, you can find 30 seconds to respond, even if it’s just a quick explanation as to why you will have to respond in greater detail later.

As always, there are exceptions but never chase love, affection or attention! Know your worth and stay single until it’s real!

Michelle Jermy is the owner of The Core Studio, Creator of 28 Days to a Happier Healthier You.