Ten Recommendations for Wise Parenting
Adouda’s recommendations are beautifully stated and should fit into all parenting styles. You can read through many parenting courses, and the 10 following guidelines will assist you in raising children with values and principles.
By Adouda ADJIRI, Ph. D.
1. Your child is not your property but an independent being that came to life through you. The new born baby is a complete human being capable of understanding and learning even before speaking the adults’ language. When mother and father have made the choice of bringing this new being to life, they have automatically committed themselves to nurture it until independence.
2. Each child has his or her own and unique personality that must be respected. This leads to respect his or her safe-choices and not minimize or underestimate the child’s concerns of any nature. A toy is so important to a child when at the same time it means nothing to an adult. Similarly, playing is an integral part of a child’s life that must be understood and respected.
3. Be patient because without patience parenting cannot be properly achieved. Don’t allow your anger over the day’s events to spill over onto your child and never use physical punishment to correcting your child. Time-out that is properly advised works well in most cases. If your child is challenging, learn how to handle his or her particular challenge. Encourage flexibility and do not impose military-like rules and routines.
4. Listen to your child now otherwise he or she won’t listen to you as a young adult. Listening is achieved with heart and ears and you must take that time to learn about your child’s dreams and fears. Encourage your child to speak up his or her thoughts and feelings. Listen with empathy, validate your child’s feelings and show understanding to his or her frustrations. Ten Recommendations for Wise Parenting
5. Nourish your child with unconditional love without being overprotective. A warm hug and a game played together or a moment spent together is more precious than any expensive toy you might offer. Every child asks to be loved, understood and respected and when these needs are fulfilled, no room is left for disobedience or future rebellion.
6. Never discriminate among your children. Whether a boy or a girl, a first born or a middle born or a last born, you must treat them all equally and love them all equally and give each one of them equal time and attention. Don’t make promises you cannot keep, that would teach your children to lie. Teach them moral values and prepare them to face those who do not respect moral values.
7. Children are naturally curious, so encourage your child’s curiosity and let him and her ask questions. You are not required to answer each of their questions but teach them to look for answers themselves; you’ll be amazed how much you can learn from them.
8. Children like to feel important and needed, so help them fulfill this need. Give your children opportunities to do something in the kitchen or around the house and stand near by for supervision and direction without constantly correcting or giving orders. Let them make mistakes and let them learn from their mistakes.
9. Use positive and genuine expressions to praise your child’s achievements. Avoid everything that is negative, comments, remarks or familiar expressions that can damage your child’s self-esteem and weaken his or her confidence. Though you cannot shield your child from hearing invalidating comments but you can make sure that they won’t affect him or her. In case of failure, give accurate feedback with lots of encouragement to help your child continue learning.
10. Avoid using or abusing your children indirectly and decide with them but not for them. Do not influence your child to achieve what you couldn’t achieve in your life. Similarly, do not push your child in the family’s business when he or she has different dreams and different talents.
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